Having a Crush on Someone? Tell them

Don’t go through life wondering what could have been if only you had been a little more daring, a little more honest with yourself, a little less frightened. If you feel a certain way for a certain special someone then let them know. You will be sure of two things. First you will free yourself from the tyranny of strong emotion (especially as you might find that it was just a short-lived feeling), and second, you will know for sure what the other person thinks or how they feel about you.

Here’s a few tips to help you out (you might get lucky lol )

Be honest with yourself

Only you know exactly how you feel, but just to be sure, you could ask a friend to tell you honestly if they have lately observed a change in you as a person or in you towards your crush. This is because sometimes we can underestimate or exaggerate our emotions and need someone to help us put things in proper perspective. If you have a crush on someone but deny it, all you’re doing is strengthen it but admitting to yourself about it might help you sober up…emotionally!

Calm down!

It’s not definitely the first nor last time you’re going to be crushing on someone. Some crushes will last for a few minutes, some weeks, months, and for some romantics out there…years. Whatever the case, you’re not the first and definitely not the last and whatever you’re experiencing we have all been there, including your crush…yes…your crush has had or might be having a crush on someone else and probably having the same fears you have. Plus, it’s a very natural, normal and healthy emotional experience. So, yes, relax—you’re human!

Do a little homework on your crush

Whether or not you wish to experiment a relationship with your crush, try to know a little or more about them. Don’t make assumptions to minimise on potential embarrassing situations. Find out from other people or from them ‘indirectly’ what they think about relationships, what kind of person they would date, their love life, if they are already seeing someone, the nature of their current relationship, what they like, what they don’t like, where they are in their life at the moment, the list is long and not written in stone so get creative but don’t approach them like some detective or a stalker…let it be spontaneous and as natural as possible, help them warm up to you, be patient and if they don’t want to talk about something yet, don’t insist (after all, if what you envision is a relationship, you want to portray your best traits as an understanding, patient, respectful, and loving potential spouse).

Examine your feelings

Usually, the realisation that we have a crush on someone can overwhelm us with excitement and in the process shadow objective thinking. Try to assess how you feel, what might have caused it, why? Sometimes, our minds, hearts and bodies can act without our ‘permission’ (read, ‘subconsciously’) and we find ourselves thrown into a situation we had neither anticipated nor prepared ourselves for and sometimes a situation we would normally not like. For instance, you might find that you have a crush on someone because they look so attractive but you dislike their arrogance and insensitivity towards others. What this means is that while your mind or body naturally tapped into the chemistry , you actually wouldn’t want anything to do with this person. Also, try to engage in other healthy activities and hang around other people, anything to help you keep some distance from this person for some time just to check if you will still feel the same way you do. This is simply because it’s easier to feel close to someone because they are near (proximity) and maybe their absence after sometime might reinforce that feeling or erase it.

Are you ready for a relationship?

Okay, so you know what you feel and you have examined your emotions and reasons. Next thing is for you to honestly check if you are ready for a relationship with this person or any other person. If you find that you are not then maybe you should let those feelings fade, like seriously. Maybe you are in the phase of your life where you are ready for one–why not, go for it! Or you don’t want a relationship now but everything about this person makes you want to rebel against yourself and make it happen–then follow your heart and if by chance you have someone you can trust for good advice, speak to them to help you with this.

Anticipate all possible outcomes and counter plan for each

Honestly, what is the worst that can happen? The friendship will end, they might think you’re creepy, they might bully you and remind you how you ain’t in their league, they will definitely say no, they will hate you for life and never want to speak to you again (if they do, then you just dodged a bullet, there’s nothing wrong with feeling and expressing it in all sincerity and respectfully), they will call the police or ‘kill you’? (very unlikely, very, very unlikely and irrational, plus if they become aggressive then you have more than dodged a bullet, you have dodged a missile). Chances are, the way they might behave will tell you a lot about the true nature of the interaction or friendship you always thought you had with them or better still what kind of person they are, this way you will know whether they are still the sweet angel deep down or if you should just run for your life. But, you can’t know if you don’t tell them.

Communicate how you feel

Fact check, you’re probably not the only one crushing on them and you should never wait too long unless you are good with handling misses and losses. Timing is key, there’s nothing sophisticated here to think about. Heck- they might be crushing on someone else too but secretly wishing you also had feelings for them too and spoke up. It’s common for someone in a relationship to say things like “I wish you had told me sooner”, “Why did you never tell me how you felt, I liked you too but wasn’t sure you felt the same way, and later i committed to someone else,’ “If it wasn’t for my commitment which i must respect-I would by all means be with you.” Now, put yourself in their shoes, how would you want to be approached if someone else was the one having a crush on you? Choose a place that’s quiet but also has other people (you’re having a private conversation but in a social place just for the feeling of safety and comfort). Look your best, rehearse your mini-speech if you must the day before. Act natural and be honest with your emotions. Keep a safe distance and avoid seeming pushy. Get to the point fast, then explain later. Something to help you if you can’t think of an opening line is “I hope you don’t mind me being honest, you don’t have to give me an answer or feel the same, I think I like you and just thought you should know.” Then relax for a few minutes to help them process it while you find a neutral distraction like “would you like coffee or did you say you had to be somewhere else at 9a.m because it’s 20 minutes too and I don’t want to take up more of your time.

Carry on with your life

If they want to carry on the conversation, you will know. But if they don’t, still you will know. You don’t want to feel like you forced them into being interested in you, so you have done your part telling them how you feel, what’s left is for them to play their part either by encouraging your feelings towards them or discouraging them. Whatever the case, pay close attention to how they respond, you don’t want to end up being manipulated into being someone’s pet just because they think you have a soft spot for them and take advantage of your emotions. If you are convinced they are your intended spouse then keep trying again over time, but don’t show desperation. Get a life!

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